How does Barry Manilow live in such a state of continual surprise, despite his 63 years on the planet? It's not from hitting another high note. And how does Kenny Rogers manage to keep such a straight poker face? It's not from knowing when to hold em or when to fold em. All this plastic surgery on celebs both young and old is making me think there's something to be said for the creased brow of the 40 year old or the eyeball suitcases of 70 somethings. A little nip or tuck is fine, but instead of attractive, friendly faces, an army of pointy noses, ironed out brows, puffy lips and overtucked chins are boring out of our TV screens and tabloids. Ironically, many extreme facial surgery tragedies are suffered by actors who need their facial muscles to convey a pallette of expressions. How can nuanced emotions like humiliation or fear ever hope to get past that botox-tastic wall of eternal shock and surprise? Tori Spelling will have to get used to starring in action-thrillers.

If you're going to go over the top, why not get a little creative and innovative? At least socialite Jocelyn Wildenstein has forgotten about trying to be the perfect female in favor of turning herself into the perfect feline. Or why not get something truly useful done and make that 'eyes in the back of your head' threat that you use on the kids a shocking reality? I guess constantly being in the limelight can make you paranoid and insecure. It can make you do strange body-altering things, so I think I'll stay right here in the studio, behind the microphone and grow old naturally - if not gracefully!